


All In

by thilesluna



Series: Online Dating AU [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, online dating au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 15:56:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6664948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thilesluna/pseuds/thilesluna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is fucking HOPELESS, Joel.” Bruce throws—tosses lightly—his phone down on the couch cushions. “There was one guy and we were getting along and all of a sudden he sends me a picture of his DICK.”</p><p>Joel, because he’s terrible and a bad friend says, “Was it a nice dick?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	All In

Bruce is just there because Joel made him do it after he got his heart broken—“A YEAR AGO,” Joel is always quick to remind him. “Get back out there, dude.”

Bruce just tries to make connections with people but every time he gets sent a message (he doesn’t initiate contact that much because it makes him feel anxious) it’s like “Hey gorgeous” or “You’ve got some beautiful brown eyes, baby” or “I see that you’re bisexual, would you be interested with a threesome with my wife and I?” and fuck that. Joel won’t let him delete the profile and he’s got maybe 2 potentials lined up for possible dates. Well, he did.

“This is fucking HOPELESS, Joel.” Bruce throws—tosses lightly—his phone down on the couch cushions. “There was one guy and we were getting along and all of a sudden he sends me a picture of his DICK.”

Joel, because he’s terrible and a bad friend says, “Was it a nice dick?”

“That’s not the _point_ Joel,” Bruce whines. “I want to meet someone who’s got more than just a nice dick. Like someone who can hold a conversation with _out_ sending a dick pic.”

“What if you have a conversation _about_ his dick?” Joel asks.

“Fuck off.”

All in all, his online dating experience sucks and Bruce hates it. Until, that is, he gets a message from “JustRiggz”, late on Tuesday night.

“ _My perfect date: I pick you up in my ’98 Ford Mustang. You get in. There are candles lit in the car. You say, isn’t that dangerous? I say, yes, but I like danger. We go to your favorite restaurant and have a fantastic meal. We come outside and my car is on fire. You say, James! Aren’t you pissed? Your car is on fire! I pull out a bag of marshmallows and say, Nah, I knew this was going to happen. Then I kiss you in front of my burning car.”_

Bruce can’t stop himself from bursting out in a laugh. It’s by far the most original and funny message he’s gotten on this godforsaken app. He screen caps his phone and sends the shot to Joel and Lawrence, his friend from work, in their group chat. **This guy sounds like irl Jean Ralphio** he captions. Joel sends back a laughing emoji and Lawrence, predictably, says that the guy probably found it on a conversation starter website. Fucking Lawrence.

Bruce doesn’t think so but now that seed is planted in his head and he’s _anxious_ about it. When he says as much to the group chat, Joel eloquently says, **EAT A DICK SONNTAG. Bruce—this guy sounds hilarious. What’s his picture look like?** And Bruce didn’t even look at it yet.

JustRiggz— _James_ , his mind helpfully supplies—is…Christ, he’s really fucking hot. Bruce works out and has a pretty decent body, but this guy; he’s the guy at the gym that people constantly ask for help because they think he _works_ there. He’s got a picture up of him and a girl with blonde hair and he’s grinning at the camera—Bruce doesn’t want to be cliché, but if there were ever a “devilish” grin, this guy had it. But more than the grin, James’ eyes catch Bruce off guard. He distantly remembers reading one of his mom’s romance novels when he was like 8, not knowing what kind of books they actually were—James’ eyes are like something out a crappy romance novelist’s wet dreams. They’re bright and blue—god, Bruce didn’t even know people could have eyes that blue if he’s being honest.

His phone buzzes in his hand and he taps the icon. Joel has always been impatient. In lieu of typing out a reply, Bruce just screen shots the close up of James’ face and sends it off to the chat. It only takes a second before Joel is sending back an unintelligent stream of emojis and key smashes. Lawrence sends a simple ‘thumbs up’. **Brucey boy,** Joel types, **you GOTTA message this guy back. Even if he stole the line from a site (which he fuckin didn’t, Larr you asshole) his eyes are like, ridiculous. and AND that jaw line. Like, THAT is a face made for sitting on.**

Bruce loses it. He’s laughing too hard to send anything besides 17 crying-laughing emojis. Lawrence responds with a “gross” and Bruce reopens his app to type up a reply. Or at least that’s his plan, but he has NO idea what the fuck to say.

Does he go with funny? Should he acknowledge the weird conversation starter or just roll with this scenario and see what the hell happens next? He decides, in the end, to do a little bit of both. He sends back:

_I can’t even imagine the insurance claim you’d have to file. This is probably the best opening message I’ve ever seen. But the real question is, how do you toast your marshmallows? Are you a shove the whole thing in so it burns or are you a patient toaster who wants brown edges and a gooey middle?_

As he shuts off his light to go to sleep, he thinks to himself that it’s a pretty good reply. It’s light and casual, and kind of funny. He hopes James thinks so too.

~~~~

Bruce’s phone dings in his pocket while he’s in line getting coffee. It’s a new message from JustRiggz and for some reason; he feels a flutter of nervous energy go through him. He’s such a mess.

 _“I will tell you what I’m not,”_ reads the reply, “ _I’m not one of those godless HEATHENS that lights the marshmallows on fire and makes them turn into charcoal while the inside is still cold. That’s the WORST way to eat a marshmallow and I don’t even care if that’s the way you do it and this is offensive. I don’t know if I could share a car fire with someone who mutilates their mallows in that way.”_

Bruce chuckles loudly enough that the lady in front of him kind of half turns. He smiles at her sheepishly and holds up his phone. She kind of half smiles and rolls her eyes before turning back to face the counter. He begins to tap away at his phone screen the second she turns around.

_“Oh, no, I totally agree. Like, my friend Matt is one of those people who burns the outside, pulls it off to eat it and then does it all over again. It’s terrifying to watch. I’m a patient toaster. I’ll sit with a marshmallow for 20 minutes if it means a perfect toast. The inside has to be warm enough to melt the chocolate pieces I shove in there.”_

Bruce peers up to the front of the line. It’s taking _forever_ today. His phone goes off in his hand.

“ _Wait._ ” James writes, “ _You put the chocolate INSIDE the marshmallow?_ ”

Bruce’s fingers fly over the screen as he takes a step forward in line. “ _Um, duh. Like if you just stick it on the cracker it has a 50% chance of melting, but if it’s INSIDE the toasty marshmallow its like guaranteed to melt. It’s science._ ”

Bruce is finally to the counter. “Hey can I get my usual?” The barista grins at him and starts typing in the order he’s been getting for over a year. Large coffee, one sugar, one cream for him and some sugary monstrosity for Lawrence. He pays for his order and grabs the coffees from the pick-up counter, heading out the door and down the street to his office.

He hands Lawrence his coffee and the other man doesn’t even take his eyes from his monitor as his trades the drink for the exact change of the drink. Bruce has been trying to get Larr to get Venmo since he started picking up coffee for them, but the man _insists_ on paying cash. Bruce shakes his head as he throws his stuff down at his desk.

He definitely doesn’t jump and grab for his phone when it chimes to signal another message from James.

“ _I think I love you. You’re a freakin’ GENIOUS,_ ” the message says, and Bruce busts out in a laugh. It occurs to him that talking to James feels like talking with Joel in a way. It’s weirdly comfortable and easy in a way that talking to a stranger on the internet generally isn’t, at least for Bruce.

“ _Science, man. Science,_ ” he sends back with a winking emoji.

~~~~

They keep talking until a month has gone by before Bruce even realizes. He spends an incredible time talking with James. They’ve even exchanged numbers to talk outside of the app (Bruce suggested it because he was tired of logging in to check James’ messages and seeing a plethora of assholes sending him shitty pick-up lines).

J: _What do you mean, you’ve never played Psychonauts??_

B: _Dude, idk. I just never played it??_

J: _That’s it. Sorry. I have to end this relationship._

Bruce blushes at that. Because they haven’t really talked about that aspect of this. Is it a relationship? Are they still just texting buddies? James hasn’t ever mentioned actually meeting Bruce, and Bruce, despite a lot of prodding from Joel, is too chicken shit to suggest that they do. He stares at his screen for a whole two minutes before another message comes in.

J: _Bruce? I was kidding! I mean, I can’t introduce you to my mom until you play it but…_

B: _No, it’s just…you said ‘relationship’. Is that what this is? Like, officially?_

The three typing bubbled pop up and Bruce wants to die. In fact he’s pretty sure this is how he dies; because he really likes James and he hopes he didn’t just fuck everything up.

J: _Is that what you want it to be?_

Bruce doesn’t hesitate for a second.

B: _Yes._

So he didn’t hesitate, but now he feels like he’s dying.

J: _Thank god. I deleted my profile on that piece of shit site the second I got your number._

Bruce laughs aloud in his apartment.

J: _I’m all in on this thing, Bruce. I didn’t want to rush you or make you feel uncomfortable but I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to kiss you since you told me about the chocolate in the marshmallows._

He blushes deeply, glad that no one is there to see it. If he’s being honest, he totally feels the same way.

B: _Me too_.

He’s all in.

**Author's Note:**

> The message from James is a message that I actually received once. 
> 
> Maybe this is the start of a whole AU thing??? I don't know really. Maybe I'll write about their first real date.


End file.
